How To Deal With Painful Memories Of The Affair

Claire and her spouse had been working on healing and rebuilding their marriage for about 8 months. It has been almost a year since Claire found out about the affair, but despite the time spent working on the marriage, Claire was having problems dealing with the memories of the affair. For Claire the months leading up to discovering the affair and the immediate aftermath was one of the worst times in her life. Despite all the work that she and her spouse are doing to rebuild their marriage, she is still haunted by that time. Understandably, she wants to be rid of those memories. Tubit.com Just like Claire, you might also feel that you have just come through one of the worst times of your life. The fact that you are reading this article means that you believe that there is a way forward, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad things were, and probably still are, you have shown that you are a survivor. How to deal with painful memories of an affair. It is not easy. The mind is a powerful thing and left unchecked it will dominate your every being, forcing you to analyse the details again and again, letting you mind go into overtime on what happened.

 

When your mind makes you confront what has occurred you can find yourself becoming overly analytical and self-critical. You will question what you could have done differently. You will start to wonder if you married the right person, maybe if you had married someone else this would never have happened. You will probably struggle to understand why you were unable to see what was going on. Then of course you will probably YourLatinMates.com review dwell on what they did together. Did they enjoy themselves, did the talk about and laugh about you?

 

You, as the innocent victim can become seriously burdened down with a mass of emotional baggage. You cannot afford to let it grind you down, you have to learn to deal with it and beat it. In this article I will give you three steps which I hope will make you more able to deal with your painful memories of the affair. The mind is a truly amazing thing. It deals with everything that happens to you, what you see, what you hear, how different situations touch you, and how your contact with different people affects you. TripTogether You mind stores everything away into memories, some good, some bad. Contained within these memories is who we are. Stored within our mind is our life, our essence and being. These memories are unique to the unique individuals that we all are. Your mind is a vast library of memories some good, some average and some bad. Whilst it would be nice to get rid of some memories you have to remember that your experiences, your memories, shape and define who you are. You can let them hold you back, or you can use them as a spur to drive yourself forward. Memories are not stored away like a diary. How your mind processes and files away your memories is dependent on the meaning that you give to them, it could be something to do with work or something deeply emotional, it will then store those memories on the shelf that best corresponds to the meaning that you give them.

 

Amazing as the mind is, we do not and cannot remember everything. What we do remember is not always completely accurate if it depends upon our perception of events as we might not be aware of the greater picture. Can you remember what you had for breakfast 12 years ago? Of course you cannot. Unless that day had some kind of emotional impact on you then it was just another day. We all have long-term memories which have stuck with us because we have attached some kind of emotional significance to them. For example my continual memories start when I was about two and a half. We were living in Cyprus at the time of the troubles and I have some exciting and vivid memories from that period. When you marry you have a bond with your spouse. You are no longer two individual, you are one. It is a deep and meaningful bond and so if you are going through a bad patch in your marriage or getting to grips with the fact that your spouse has had an affair, then you will automatically attach some very powerful, negative emotions to those painful memories. Just because your mind has processed and filed away a memory, that does not mean that you are finished with it. Memories can be triggered by anything, something you see or hear, the story line in a book, something on the T.V, all can act as a trigger for memories that you had thought buried and forgotten.

 

Your memories can be triggered by something that relates to a specific event. When that happens your mind will pull up all the images and emotions related to that event. Great if it is something positive, but not so good if it is something negative and you find yourself revisiting places where you would rather not be. When your mind is running you through the nth repeat of painful memories, there are ways that you can use to change your thoughts so as to lessen their emotional impact. Once you can accept that something has happened, once you can accept that there is nothing that you can do to change it, then you can start to deal with your painful memories. No one has a perfect life. Everyone experiences the good, the bad, and the indifferent. The only thing that is different is in what way we experience them. You need to be able to leave the past in the past. If there are things that you can learn from the past then all well and good, but you have to move on. If you do not move forward then you will stagnate and that would be a terrible waste of your life.

 

Step 1. When something triggers of a painful memory do not fight against it.

 

Accept it. I appreciate that the normal reaction would be to try to stop the memory from taking hold. That can work, but success is not guaranteed. Just let it come into your mind. Say for example Claire might struggle with the memory of how her spouse would turn away from her if she came near to him. Claire could do the natural thing and resist that memory, but if it is going to come anyway, she can allow it into her mind.

 

Step 2. Look at how you react

 

How does that memory make you feel? Does it make you feel angry, happy, unhappy, sad, bitter or... Surprising as it may sound, if you follow through with this exercise on a regular basis, then the reaction that you have to that memory can begin to change. The aim of this exercise is to break that memories hold on your emotions, and in time, allowing the intensity of your reaction to it to fade.

 

Step 3. It is your mind, you are in charge of it, it is not in charge of you.

 

When that irritating painful memory pops up in your mind, accept it for something that has happened. It always amazes how your life can change once you can accept something. Tell yourself that what has happened has happened, this is how you felt about it, and as you have already live through it then you will be all right.

 

On the other hand, you can take the view that people have been through worse and have turned their lives around in a positive way. If they can do it, then you can do it. How about, when I think about the affair, I feel... but that will pass. Try look to your life in the future, then think on how you will view this time, and how you used the experience to provide the impetus to build a happier future. Far to many people struggle with negative memories that haunt them, and stop them moving forward with their lives. This is not something silly and insignificant that they are going through. Unless they can learn techniques to deal with this emotional turmoil then they and their spouse could go through years of misery as they struggle to heal their marriage. And to me that is such a tragic waste of something that could be truly special.